Reflection
I feel like I heard this word so much in college that I was reflecting upon my reflections. While my reflecting looks differently in real teacher life you are required to do a formal reflection with many many questions after an observation. Well I had my first full observation today done by my principal...before I get to the reflection part, I must "paint you a picture" (as I'm trying to teach my third graders in writing).
The math lesson begins with all students having just had a bathroom break and water break so this does not need to be done during. We are learning about fractions. "Mrs. Sullivan when is that teacher coming to get me?" "I already said at the end of math." I made a real world problem using a pillsbury can of biscuits and everything....people we opened the can put the biscuits into groups and everything....amazing stuff here! They only cared about who could dare who to eat a biscuit. No one cared about my fraction problem, no one cared that I was trying to make this hands-on, no one cared that I was trying to teach a lesson, no one cared I was in the room and asking them to stop talking. I try to power through. "Mrs. Sullivan when is that teacher coming to get me?" "I already said at the end of math."Cue principal walking into chaos after the lesson has already started for 15 minutes. Cue: 4 students walk to tissue box and drinking fountain so lovely placed inside the classroom (I swear this is a rule I've already set in place and talked about multiple times...I promise). "Mrs. Sullivan when is that teacher coming to get me?" "I already said at the end of math."
Umm where am I....am I invisible? Do they realize I'm here?
Students begin shouting at one another about nothing that has to do with anything I'm talking about....we have moved past the biscuit problem. "Mrs. Sullivan when is that teacher coming to get me?" "I already said at the end of math."We are then in the process of moving into our guided math rotations. These groups have been carefully placed together and have been the same groups ALL WEEK long. Students now begin shouting at each other about who does or doesn't want to be in each other's group. "Mrs. Sullivan when is that teacher coming to get me?" "At the end of math.""Is it the end of math yet?"
Oh my gosh...are my tears visible? breathe breathe breathe
We continue through groups. Erasers have been thrown, iPads have been picked up off the table which is the number one rule not to do. So very many words have been said. There was blood...oh wait that was yesterday. "Mrs. Sullivan when is that teacher coming to get me?" "At the end of math."
I don't know how...not even kidding....but we get to the end and get to gym....well almost all of us get to gym. And yes that teacher did come at the end of math...I know you were dying to find out!
So reflect right? What could I have done better? Maybe a lot or maybe I honestly have absolutely no idea because I did everything I could. What wasn't included in this story is all the times I asked students to take a break and all of them that told me no. I know I planned an amazing lesson and I know it was pretty hard to tell to the untrained eye during. But in the end, I'm willing to go back tomorrow and try it all over again. I was called to teach these kids. I have never had any doubt in my mind. But if I was called to it, why does it have to be so dang hard? How do I figure out if I'm doing my job? I might say teaching them "how to do school" at the end of the year was our accomplishment this year, but if you have read any articles about MPS teachers lately you would know that's not considered good enough. It's hard teaching where I do and days like today make it just that much harder. The day ended with a student throwing a desk across the room. I still love my job though. I'm surrounded by amazing teachers that are so supportive and inspire me every day. God said go...so here I am.
